Kind at Heart

The Public Speaking Coach and CEO of the Blue Light Speakers Agency, Andrew Ledgerton-Lynch OBE, looks at why kindness resonates deeply

“This whole world’s just kind at heart and weird on top” Laura Dern’s Lula says to Nicholas Cage’s Sailor in David Lynch’s cult classic, Wild at Heart. Although, no she doesn’t. She actually says, “This whole world’s just wild at heart and weird on top,” hence the film’s title. After all, who wants to make a film about kindness? That really would be weird.

It may make a weird and wonderful introduction to a blog about kindness, which is just the way it should be. Kindness is a wonderful asset, the best of assets. A friend who chairs a charity said he’d received feedback that he was “kind and listened to all points of views and made everyone feel valued.” However, when relating the comments he seemed underwhelmed and deflated, as if he expected more. I insisted that there is no greater praise than be branded kind and empathetic. 

“Kindness shows that human side – the reality, the authentic self – for which audiences relate intuitively and passionately” 

Having hosted back-to-back podcasts from Blue Light Speakers Agency speakers Podcasts | BLS Agency, I was struck by the recurrent theme of kindness. Dr Steve Sadler Dr. Steve Sadler | BLS Agency concluded by saying that the antidote to hedonism is gratitude and there should be more of it in this cold, clinical world. Trevor Botting meanwhile emphasised that the more he reflects upon a long and eventful career, the more he is reminded that kindness conquers all, or rather deflates the need to conquer and rewards us with reciprocal acts of compassion.

The manipulative would describe it as a secret weapon, especially in public speaking terms, tapping into the audience’s emotional vulnerability, winning over hearts and minds. In real terms, it creates and nurtures empathy, emphasises authenticity and resonates on a deeper level with audiences.

A recurring theme of these blogs, if you dig deep enough, is that deeper level connection, one that all great speakers strive for, consciously or otherwise. Some access it intuitively, lesser mortals learn to develop and fine tune, tapping into more human facets which elevate the senses and embed connections. 

Kindness shows that human side – the reality, the authentic self – for which audiences relate intuitively and passionately. It breaks down barriers of pretence, artificial separation and distance, connecting with our community spirits. 

As well as a powerful aid for speakers, easily accessed through relatable storytelling, it is a two-way street, something that is often overlooked when discussing presentations. The communication should never be one-way. It is a communal act. There are questions that could and should be asked of the audience. There are all manor of conversations to be had to involve and get to know individuals and groups in the congregation. That is the right word, congregation. It is not a religious experience, but it is a congress – a meeting of minds and an opportunity to be uplifted communally, audience and speaker alike.

“It breaks down barriers of pretence, artificial separation and distance, connecting with our community spirits”

How to make kindness a core element of your presentation?

As Dr Steve suggests, start with gratitude: for those in attendance, for taking their time to listen, to participate, to give of themselves as much as you are giving to them. 

Similarly, think of the audience first. Replace the question, how am I going to look wonderful with, how do I serve their purpose? How do I get the best out of me for their benefit? The aforementioned charity chair listened and demonstrated kindness so that trustees would feel welcome and valued, to be able to give the best of themselves so that the organisation would benefit from their contribution. 

It helps to think about how you like to be treated. How good does it feel to be received with kindness? How infectious/contagious is that? There is, is there not, a fundamental desire to pass it on, spread it around?

The best speakers, the most memorable ones, are those that connect on a deeper level, binding us to them, not through grandiose rhetoric or profound words of wisdom, but through genuine connection, empathy, authenticity and simply being human.